He is good

I am going to share a little bit of my heart with you today.

There is no doubt in my mind that my husband has had an amazing career in baseball. He has had opportunities that many people do not get and I am so very thankful God has blessed him (us) in this sport. If you asked my husband he would probably say a little different of his career. Since 2010 he has been plagued with feeling as though he has failed all the while statistical wise he has prospered. You see, baseball-which is just a recreational sport for some, a summer event for others is our lively-hood. One man's home run which is a huge gain is another man's error.

A game. 

Something that is just a "game", past time for most has been lucky for us my husband's job for going on 9 years. It hasn't been easy. Lord knows, nothing is. But in the grand scheme of things we have been so blessed. This offseason Jess went back and forth on whether a team was going to call or not. We kind of started to prepare ourselves with what we were going to do if no one called. I remember watching him throw and thinking to myself "this can't be happening, someone has got to call". I prayed, my parents prayed, Jess' parents prayed so I knew we were covered in that department. Honestly, at one point I don't really know what I was scared of. We have God's promises. He will never leave us nor forsake us so regardless of Jess playing baseball or not we were (are) going to be fine. Of course there would be adjustments but I am convinced that I only want what God has planned for me and my family because his plans are far better than my own.  

I have been rigid with anxiety over the years. Mostly because I have cared what judgmental people have thought about me, about my husband and his stats. It is finally clear to me that what others think of me is none of my business. Shame on me for feeling so insecure for such a petty reason. There has not been one day that I have not been proud of Jess. I don't know how he goes out there and does it. Thousands of screaming people focused on you and what you are about to do, gosh it can be scary. I guess that is why God put me in the stands to watch instead of be watched. Good call, God, good call.

I think back to that first season I started traveling with Jess. At that point in time he was ranked in the top 100 (I think) of Baseball Prospects and projected to do amazing things that year. I remember seeing the wives, their kids and thinking to myself "I can't wait for that to be me". Baby on my hip, watching Dada from the stands. It would be glorious! Nice condo by the field, just an easy walk over. Ohh it would be amazing! All of things would accompany Jess in the BIG LEAGUES of course. (A little superficial, huh) Well fast forward to 4 teams and years later. I finally have that baby on my hip (a story for another day) and we have that place close to field, just a short walk over and we are waving at Dada and cheering for him from the stands. All the while Jess is not in the BIG LEAGUES and hasn't been since 2010. It dawned on me the other day that God has always given me everything that I have wanted. It may not be the exact way I wanted it but he has blessed me and blessed me more than I deserve. I have no clue why because some days I have been way less than faithful. Like, way less than faithful! But he has been faithful because he is GOD. He is good and he loves us. It may be hard to see the rainbow when you are sitting in the storm but God blesses us because he is God and he only wants what is best for us.

As you know, Jess signed with the Red Sox this season. As a free agent you aren't guaranteed a job. You must show up and "fight" for a job like everyone else. Minor league games started on Wednesday and Jess was scheduled to throw. He wasn't pleased with his outing at all and felt a little defeated. I think he used the word "chunked".  "I chunked the ball, Erica. I did terrible", were his exact words. With it being the first game of Spring and his first outing, he wanted to make an impression but it really didn't go that way. I felt all over the place at the game. My emotions were a little off and I could feel that I didn't trust that God was there with me. I felt guilty that I didn't trust him enough. When I know all that he is capable of. I do this often, not just in baseball. I fly off the handle when things get hairy. I panic and get scared. I just have to remember to be still. God has got this.

So today I just want to testify that if you don't know God, please get to know him. I am sorry if this offends you and if you don't read my blog anymore but I have got to share the good news. I can't sit here and say that if at the end of Spring Training Jess doesn't make the team I won't shed a tear, feel a little lost or be sad but I can say that I know what is coming will be amazing because the one who holds my future is amazing and I trust he has our back. And this post isn't just about God blessing me. There are a lot of things in my life that I don't understand and struggle with but I rest in God for those things. Please do not get the impression that things are all peachy and perfect in my life because that just isn't so. I pray that this post came across as what I intended it to be and that is an encouragement to get to know our Lord so that you may have rest.

He is good and never fails.

Love,
E